Understanding the different types of love.
Love is a complex and intricate emotion. It has been the subject of numerous songs, movies, and novels. From the passionate love experienced in a romantic relationship to the deep affection felt for family and friends, many different forms of love shape our relationships. This article will dive into the diverse shades of love and explore how they impact our interactions with others. One of the most powerful forms of love is romantic love, characterized by intense emotions, attraction, and desire. It can be all-consuming and exhilarating, often portrayed as a whirlwind of emotions.
What is love?
A definition:
To like another adult very much and be romantically and sexually attracted to them, or to have strong feelings of liking a friend or person in your family.
found in the Cambridge dictionary
And:
A feeling or disposition of deep affection or fondness for someone, typically arising from a recognition of attractive qualities,
According to Oxford dictionary
A thorough yet accessible way of defining Love is in the words of the great yogi and mystic Sadhguru.
In “The Sweetness of Love” he says:
When you feel love, it means a sweetness of emotion has touched you. Because of this love or because the emotions within you have sweetened, your life experience becomes beautiful. It’s not about someone or something. But about what has happened within you and with your feelings and emotions.In other words, when we love someone, it means something has happened to how we feel.The definition of love can take as many turns as objects of affection you can find.
Sadhguru
Acknowledging there’s more than one shape for this emotion and comprehending the various aspects of love can lead us to many different answers to the questions:
“What is love?”
When I say “I love my family,” it implies a different type of affection than love for a partner. Even though love is a frequency, how we express love varies depending on the object of our affection.
One thing is for sure:
Love makes the world go round.
Or, at least, the subject makes it to the headlines of our heads and hearts time and again. Indeed, It’s been like that since ancient times.
Undoubtedly, many of the greatest philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle, dedicated numerous of their thoughts to matters of the heart. And it seems they spent a lot of time on them.
To this end, the ancient Greeks identified and named eight kinds of love. They sought to better understand the different kinds of love humans can feel. They taught us a lot about love and love types.
Understanding love and love styles as Greeks defined.
According to the ancient Greeks, it can be classified into the following categories based on how we express love.
- Eros: the physical love. Sexual desire or passion.
- Philia: the affectionate love.
- Agape: the unconditional and sacrificial love.
- Storge: the familial love.
- Mania: the obsessive love.
- Ludus: the game of love. It’s playful and noncommittal love.
- Pragma: the practical love.
- Philautia: the self-love.
These were defined in the article “The 8 Different Types of Love and How to Tap into Each for Happiness” by LAURA WABEKE for Rituals magazine.
Love styles explained.
Eros:
From the Original Greek word: ἔρως (érōs)
Eros refers to romantic, passionate love. Physical love. Sexual desire. Oh, I’m a big fan here.
In brief, this is the form of love that entails lust, passion, romance, sensuality, arousal, and attraction.
This love, of course, is the one between lovers. Again, it’s a love between two people who feel sexual attraction to each other.
It’s the one you envision when you imagine a romantic partner. When you think you have “fall in love,” it’s because you are probably experiencing this type of love.
Besides, let’s share a little funny side note. In the bible, Eros was equal to “marital love.” Because married people were the only ones having sex to each other, though. OK, sure.
To clarify, Eros, the God of Love in Greek Mythology, was changed to Cupid as its Roman name.
Nowadays, modern Psychology uses the name Eros to refer to sexual desire or libido.
Such words as erotic and erogenous (likewise in erogenous zones), alluding to sexual desire and arousal, both have their origin in this Greek root.
In Cate Mackenzie’s words, Eros is a type of love that can be powerful. It causes people to lose control. That’s why the Greeks considered it dangerous. It all depends on one’s point of view. I’d instead consider it tasty.
Cate is a psychosexual relationship therapist accredited by the College of Sexual Relationship Therapists COSRT. She wrote an article titled “8 Different Types of Love Explained” for the U.K. edition of Cosmopolitan Magazine. It says that despite the intensity of this love, it may be short-lived.
Lust can quickly fade; however, it may transform into a different kind of love, combining passionate feelings with deeper connections.
When we think of love, this is the first type that comes to mind primarily. But now that we know plenty of of shapes for it, we better understand their differences.
Philia
From the Original Greek word: ϕιλία (philía)
Philia speaks of affectionate love. Thus, it’s softhearted. Like the kind you might feel in a deep friendship.
However, it’s more significant than that.
As the Greek philosopher Plato stated, Philia was a form of love more powerful than Eros. He believed the most robust relationships were those where Philia led to Eros, where Intimacy led to passion.
To put it another way, where “friends become lovers.” As a result, it can signify love that brings together equals. Here, the mind is connected to the heart. Thus, people who go through hard times together can share this type of bond.
Afterward, the idea we understand today as platonic love originated in the Greek concept of Philia.
In like manner, it goes beyond physical attraction.
Agape:
From the Original Greek word: ἀγάπη (agápē)
Agape means unconditional, selfless, and frequently sacrificial love.
In other words, it’s the type that doesn’t expect anything in return. But at the same time, it’s willing to do anything for the object of its affection.
As a result, it can be of a spiritual nature to a great extent. Perhaps an empathic one. Accordingly, it implies acceptance, forgiveness, and trust.
Since it’s selfless and unconditional, you can say it is the one you can feel for strangers or humankind.
To sum up, it can be what Heroes feel. A hero can sacrifice himself for people he will never meet. An excellent example of this is Jesus Christ, who sacrificed himself for humanity.
Storge:
From the Original Greek word: στοργή (storgé)
Storge refers to the family. Indeed, this is what family members naturally feel for each other. Please pay special attention to the word “naturally” here.
Are there family members that don’t love each other? Of course. But that’s not natural. In those cases, the natural order has been broken. But that’s a different matter to another day.
By the same token, what children feel for their parents and parents for their kids. Moreover, love between siblings, cousins, grandparents, etc., you get the idea.
Consequently, it’s based on security, safety, and support. You may say even patriotism can fit into this category. It’s natural but not unconditional, like the previous one we discussed.
Mania:
From the Original Greek: μανία (manía)
Mania refers to obsessive love. It is a distorted, dangerous kind of love without question. An exaggerated feeling inductive of madness or obsession. In a similar fashion, it can involve jealousy and codependency.
Despite being initially used by the Greeks to describe a type of love, nowadays, we use this word to refer to obsessive behavior or “mania.”
Ludus:
Ludus playful love
From an Original Latin word rather than Greek.
It means “game” or “play.” Similar to the Greek word ερωτοτροπία, which means “courtship.” So, Ludus’s playful love is both fun and carefree.
Accordingly, Ludus alludes to a playful and noncommittal love. For instance, it applies to flirting, seduction, and casual sex. As the name explains, it is love as a game.
Likewise, it can also be how you feel when you’ve got a crush on someone or the feeling in the early stages of a relationship.
Includes situations like friends with benefits, one-night stands, and people who look for sex to have fun or to conquer and gain sex as a prize.
Furthermore, from this “love word,” we developed concepts like the playful ludic word.
Pragma:
From the Original Greek word: πράγμα (prágma)
Pragma refers to practical love.
It’s founded on duty, obligation, and logic.
Boring.
Like the one that emerged in arranged marriages from the past. Or the convenience or political marriages that are still present nowadays.
This is an entrepreneurial view of love. Thus, it’s found in relationships where there might be financial, social, or other reasons or complications involved in breaking up. So, they prefer to stay together.
Without any doubt, in Pragma, practicality outweighs sex and romance.
People in this type of relationship often disregard their partner’s bonds with third persons, which might be founded in a more romantic, passionate, or intimate manner.
However, Pragma can also be interpreted as mature love. A long-lasting, meaningful love. It may be pretty patient and tolerant. Undoubtedly, it’s a commitment between those prioritizing the relationship over everything else.
Philautia:
From the Original Greek word: ϕιλαυτία (philautía)
Philautia is about self-love and self-compassion.
Hence, it refers to a person’s view of themselves, mind, body, and life. It’s true, nonetheless, that this can take both a positive and negative form.
When Philautia takes a positive form, it can be likened to self-esteem and a healthy appreciation of oneself.
On the flip side, it can transform into hubris. A negative extreme attitude that leads to arrogance and disregard for others.
Therefore, a healthy form of Philautia is when people have good self-esteem or a positive body image.
On the other hand, a downside of Philautia can be people with narcissistic or egoic behaviors and attitudes. They can think they are better than everybody else.
On the positive side of this form of love, the Greeks understood that if you can love yourself, you’ll have a broader ability to love others.
In Aristotle’s words:
All friendly feelings for others are an extension of a man’s feelings for himself.
Aristotle
For instance, the Second Commandment says, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself. “This implies that you love yourself first.
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Nowadays, we better understand the various ways we relate, thanks to the foundational knowledge passed down by the Greek philosophers.
We recognize that some descriptions mentioned before are now viewed differently. They are considered less as forms of love and more as distortions or mental health conditions.
Indeed, some have led us to the use of widespread terms such as “toxic relationships,” among many others.
Furthermore, a successful romantic relationship will require the sum or combination of several of the previously described ways to relate.
All the brilliant work done by the great Greek philosophers has brought us to the next stage of our quest.
Understanding the diverse forms of love and gaining deeper insight into the relationships we are part of.
While looking to complete the missing parts of the puzzle of making sense and better understanding the different kinds of love, I found a compelling approach. It was the research developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg. He is well-known for his love, intelligence, and creativity theories.
In his line of work, three love styles are required for a successful and fulfilling relationship.
When looking for a romantic partner, we’ll need the following onboard to give and receive love satisfyingly.
This theory is known as “The triangular theory of love,” as found in the media Simply Psychology. And no, it isn’t about a love triangle or a threesome.
Understanding the different kinds of love through The Triangular Theory Of Love.
In summary, the three components of love, according to Sternberg, are:
- Intimacy: About psychological closeness and emotional connection. When you’re able to share feelings and thoughts,
- Passion: Speak of romance, passionate love, and physical attraction. And
- Commitment: Point out the decision to remain in a long-term loving relationship and the conscious decision to stay together.
To conclude, a relationship where all three components are present, the natural flow can be like this:
Passion is present at the earliest stage of the relationship. As each partner’s knowledge is developed, intimacy is established. And the possibility of a conscious decision to stay together brings commitment.
As we all know by now (and those of you cute little things who still don’t know this, wait for it…), many relationships are not like this.
Sometimes, you can be involved in a relationship where you’re more than aware of something being off, but it’s hard for you to wrap your thoughts around what’s that thing that is lacking, missing, or, worse, cloying.
So, depending on the elements or pillars present or lacking in one relationship, we’ll likely have one of the following relationships or situationships —as is trendy nowadays-.
Understanding the ways of affection based on the missing pieces in relationships.
- Liking
- Infatuation
- Fatuous Love
- Empty Love
- Romantic Love
- Companionate Love
- Consummate Love
In agreement with the essay “Types of Love” written for Developmental Psychology, the previous classifications of love are distinguishable by the following meanings and characteristics:
Liking:
As per his description, intimacy is present here. Partners feel comfortable being themselves and sharing personal information and likely feel close to each other. This can be a friendship without passion or commitment.
Infatuation:
To rephrase, this could be a version of “love at first sight.” In short, it feels like an immediate, intense physical attraction to someone. A burning desire for the other person. It is a love based on chemistry and physical attraction and tends to last a short time.
Fatuous Love:
In brief, this is a relationship in which a strong passion drives commitment rather than real intimacy between the partners.
Empty Love:
A relationship to meet needs unassociated with intimacy or passion. It could be:
- Financial needs [really? love?] I almost can hear Pet Shop Boys lyrics: I looove youuuu, you are paying my rent…
- religious agreements
- childrearing, or
- social status.
To that end, there’s no sharing of ideas or feelings and little physical attraction between the partners.
Understanding the different kinds of love and digging deeper, it’s a bit surprising to find what looks like nonlove relationships at first sight described “as if,” right?
But, taking a closer look, do you realize how many people you know are bonded by these agreements and dare to call it love?
Romantic Love:
That is an alliance of Intimacy and passion without commitment. The couple enjoy spending time together and the closeness, yet have no intent to continue together.
Companionate Love:
Here, this one is based on Intimacy and commitment. Both respect each other. And are committed to a long-term relationship. Likewise, there’s no physical attraction either because it was never strong or may have run out of course.
Consummate Love:
Lastly, this one is based on all three components or elements altogether:
- Intimacy,
- passion, and
- commitment.
Finally, this is considered the ideal type of love. There is undoubtedly a spark, passion, closeness, friendship, and commitment. Yes, it looks like we made it.
Understanding love styles implies finally grasping that there are several components to actively look for for the sake of a long-lasting, joyful, and fulfilling love relationship. If we genuinely intend to receive love, the healthiest and wisest choice we can possibly make is to have a clear picture of what love is all about. We need to understand what we are looking for and, above all, to be able to recognize what is and what is not love when we are presented with the opportunity to do so.
Ronald E. Riggio also wrote an article for Psychology Today, “Which Type of Love Relationship Are You In? The three pillars of a good, loving, and lasting relationship in which he added one more type of love relationship to this theory. That is:
Nonlove:
This is a relationship in which none of the three pillars are present. Therefore, these are typically brief, casual, transactional interactions without emotional depth.
Understanding love types will help you improve your love life.
Furthermore, identifying what is lacking in your relationship can help you take proper steps toward addressing the gaps and achieving a worthwhile love life.
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Understanding love types
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