Is disliking yourself getting you somewhere you want to go?

Disliking yourself

A fellow blogger and I have been talking about life lately, and we decided to post about our rich conversations to the public so others can relate to and profit from them. What can you do when you are disliking yourself?

She said she has been bullied since she was a little kid. So, it is hard for her to overcome that flawed image, leading her to think and feel there are too many things wrong with her. She dislikes herself and even thinks people notice it right away.

Because of her scoliosis, she loathes her posture and back. She also despises her weight and’s pondering stopping or lowering her food intake. She abhors almost everything on her, even her feet.

Sometimes, she dreams of being someone else, often making her feel lost.

What would my response be to that? She asks.

Here’s what I say:

I acknowledge how hard it can be to feel or think better of oneself after being treated like that growing up. Kids can be cruel so often. And you get used from a very early age to measuring your worth by the evil opinions of these children. So you remain disliking yourself until nowadays.

Do you know they were no more than poor, sad kids? A happy person will never spread misery around. Only hurt people, hurt people. You can now, as an adult, realize that.

And as life is a mirror reflecting what you hold inside, you don’t have to convince me you are encountering tons of folks volunteering to show you and reinforce your insecurities.

When I read that you wish you could be someone else, I thought of myself trying to escape from my life so many times earlier in life.

But guess what?

Wherever you go, there you are!

It’s a phrase that comes to mind often, even when I heard it in a TV series called Felicity a thousand years ago, but it still resonates with me.

The downside of disliking yourself is that you can’t escape yourself, can you? So, what are you going to do?

Life is the same as with bullies: One day, you must stop running from them and look them in the face, even if symbolically.

Past and future only exist when we invite them into the present moment, according to Eckhart Tolle, renowned author of the best-seller book “The Power Of Now.” Moreover, if the past only exists when I invite it, that is when I think about it. Thus, somehow, I can change it if I think about it differently.

Therefore, Who says we can’t go back in time?

How would that be? Let’s go there now.

And now we are back in time.

One nice thing to do for that little girl you were once is to close your eyes, take her by her hands, and go back to those mean kids. Then you look her in the eye and say:

I’m here to protect you and give you all the support you need and deserve, but you didn’t get back then.

Kids, you can’t hurt her anymore. She’s protected now.

To her: I promise to take care of you from now on, my beautiful inner child and I won’t let you down anymore.

That was a terrible that happened to you, and I’m so sorry you were so alone and sad.

I’m here for you now. That was then, and this is now, a safe place where I, as an adult, can take care of you, my kid self. I love you. I’m proud of you. You are safe with me now.

So, as with those kids, one must sooner or later see oneself and life straight in the eyes, no?

Seeing life straight to the eyes:

When I decided to do so in my own life, I learned this:

The point is never If I have many faults or don’t. Let’s face it: we are all flawed human beings doing our best with what we have. But the attitude I’m having about myself. It is more about my thinking habits, whether they are constructive or destructive.

Am I focusing on what I have or on what I am lacking?

Putting faults on oneself is like pulling a yarn in a knitted dress. You’ll lose the entire thing.

How are we relating to ourselves?

In the same way, we might get used to putting ourselves down and talking negatively about ourselves, and now we can learn a better way to relate to ourselves.

I always refer to the idea that, according to Mindvalley’s teacher, British therapist Marissa Peer, there’s an epidemic of not-enoughness in the world.

The whole world is sick of this. So, you will do a favor to yourself by reminding and repeating to you, till exhaustion:

I am enough

Put it on a post-it in the bathroom mirror, sing it, say it, and write it down until you start believing it. This simple mantra can save you from being granted for life by your negative self-talk.

Accepting where and who we are, exactly as it is now, can be liberating.

It is the way it is.

And I am at the place I am now and who I am now.

From that new place of self-love and self-acceptance, and with all that said, we can engage in active self-love.

What do I mean by active self-love?

For me, it places us one step further from self-indulgence.

Wanting to progress and be better is inherent to human nature. Life is a forward movement.

Let’s examine for a moment everything you loathe about yourself. You may be disliking yourself for things with plenty of room for improvement.

You can meet yourself again from this maybe newly discovered place of love. This time, not from self-judgment and criticism but from the curiosity you would feel for a new romantic interest.

Who is this me-girl I dream of?

Which things should be accepted and integrated, and which others can be improved?

After all, self-love is also a commitment to oneself to work towards the higher version one can be.

So, now I’m curious.

Am I my symptoms? Or are they me telling something about my unsolved stories?

What’s the meaning of these symptoms?

How aware are you that scoliosis reflects your devaluation by comparing yourself to others? Or is it a slow devaluation concerning someone next to you? Maybe your paternal side? It could be a mix of all of those causes.

Is that something you can work with?

Maybe now there is a little more space in you to allow the light to come in and heal this.

As part of loving yourself, you might recognize you don’t have good eating habits, so you learn to eat in a manner that honors your body as a vehicle for experiencing life. You can thank your body for carrying you and decide not to punish it with starvation but to nourish it properly this time.

There may not be much you can change on your feet, but girl, how nice it feels to have a pedicure! My problems always feel smaller after my feet are done at the salon.

Conclusion:

Always ask yourself if disliking yourself is your only or best option or if there’s something else you can be doing that will benefit you more. I bet the answer will always be the same.

A lot can change if you decide to be on your own team, by your side, and not against yourself.

You may be at the beginning of a lifelong love affair with yourself.