It’s painful to realize you can be…no, you are your own worst enemy. But is there anything you can do about it? Or is this concept too foreign for you to grasp yet?
What warns you are your own worst enemy in the first place? How could this happen?
Answering these quick questions may give you an insight into figuring out if you are your own worst enemy:
- Have you ever caught yourself doing things that hurt you? It can be damaging in any field, whether physically, emotionally, or financially.
- Or have you found yourself thinking or defining yourself in lower denominators, criticizing or belittling yourself, your life, your looks, and your achievements?
- Do you speak to yourself in ways you will never dare to or about anybody you care for?
In those moments,i.e., you are your own worst enemy.
Sadly, more often than not, we have all done it here and there.
It’s been mesmerizing to observe if one can call it that way, both when helping my clients as a Family Systems therapist / Trauma Specialization student and in my own experience.
As I noted in the previous blog post, “Powerful Things you Need to Know about Self-Love,” according to the information given by Doctor John Amodeo in an article written for Psychology Today titled “Why is So damn hard to love ourselves?
The more burdensome undertaking may be directing affection toward oneself. Sometimes, you might recognize being mean to someone and step back, but it’s a whole other story when you are your own worst enemy; you won’t stop, even once spotted. Sad, but true.
In truth, Amodeo said, we treat ourselves in ways we doubt we would ever treat others. Loving others and empathizing with them can be tricky but much more untroubled than loving ourselves.
Are you conscious when you are causing your own pain and you are your own worst enemy?
Where did you learn to act in such a harmful way?
Or is it better to ask: Why-When? Did you learn to be so hard on yourself? Did that happen by accident, or were you trained to do so?
The answer is not so surprising.
You learn it as a kid.
If you suspect you are your own worst enemy, you are likely to behave (or somewhat neglect yourself) in two or more ways from the list below. If you do, keep reading, as you’ll be stunned to find some of your parents’ characteristics later in this article.
But first, the checklist, please. As an adult, you are likely to:
- Work until exhaustion or burnout.
- People pleasing.
- Fixation of your own mistakes.
- Unable to receive compliments.
- Compare to others constantly.
- Oversees making work or life enjoyable for yourself.
- Push yourself to work beyond your physical or health abilities.
- Don’t pursue what you actually like (or even get to know what you like or want)
- Feel that you are not enough.
Reading that description makes it hard to think you are speaking of someone on your team, right? A few legal violations and words like punishment, abuse, neglect, toxic, and so on come to mind.
It feels like you are talking about an enemy, right? You don’t treat someone you love like that. Do you?
Later, the stunning part.
Also, If you said yes to some of the previous behaviors, you probably:
Had hyper-critical parents.
Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson is a clinical psychologist and the author of Adult Children of emotionally immature parents. In a conversation with the Media Business Insider, she pointed out that some parents only feel good when they attain goals and recognition.
They pass this on to their kids, regardless of whether it affects their children’s self-image, disposition, or well-being.
These parents tend to micro-manage every activity in their kids’ lives, making them feel insecure. The kid learns that his worth resides in what he can (or cannot) accomplish, causing him a strong tendency toward perfectionism.
It doesn’t matter if this kid is successful or not as an adult. The youngster consistently feels as not being enough.
Consequently, when you are your worst enemy, doubtless in your childhood, you had intrusive parents, which caused you to tend to be overcritical of yourself.
And then that intensifies over the years. Or at least that’s what researchers at the University of Singapore found out in their five-year-long study, as the magazine Science Daily spoke briefly of.
When parents are over-intrusive in their children’s lives, those kids develop a sense of never being enough, a maladaptive perfectionism, and frequent symptoms of depression and anxiety, along with self-criticalness and the perception of others having unrealistic high expectations of themselves.
The previously described cluster of feelings and behaviors is currently known as Self-Loathing. Nowadays, self-loathing is considered a medical condition on its own. There are a few indicators that someone can be feeling self-loathing or self-hatred. If you are engaging in such behavior, chances are you are your own worst enemy.
Here are some Indicators:
- Depression
- anxiety
- Body perception-related issues
- Self-worth issues
- Excessive guilt response
- Eating disorders
And the causes usually stem from the past and our relationship with our caregivers. Having abusive or authoritarian parents can lead to self-loathing for sure and eroded self-esteem. You can be doing hate-self-speak like you are your worst enemy.
“Love” by Pascal Maramis is licensed under CC BY 2.0.Found in Openverse via Flickr
On the other hand, feelings of not being enough often arise when you fail in life (or you think you do). Or when you lack the willpower to break self-sabotaging patterns like addictions or toxic relationships. These patterns can lead you to vicious cycles of self-hatred and the end product of constantly feeling like not being enough.
According to Marissa Peer, a renowned psychotherapist and international speaker, The most severe significant disease affecting humanity right now is the feeling of not being enough.
Therefore, the embodiment of these 3 words mantra can be lifechanging:
I AM ENOUGH
What does that mean?
I am enough, not perfect.
That’s why I’m allowing myself to make mistakes.
And I give myself a safe space to be human and grow.
And I am enough, with all my flaws included.
I treat myself with grace.
I honor myself and my journey.
The Self-Love Journey
The proposal is to override your negative talk. Each time you encounter yourself saying negative, unwanted, unloving words to yourself, such as I hate my body, I am unlovable, I am unsuccessful, replace it with your new mantra:
I AM ENOUGH,
until this becomes a habit. The undesirable expressions will be less and less frequent.
The encouragement is to repeat the phrase:
“I am enough.”
Over and over, aloud or silently, as a trick that will eventually make your mind more difficult to object to.
Therapy can teach you to develop kindness and compassion toward yourself, and some practices can help you befriend yourself and overcome beating yourself up.
It’s about Observing, allowing, and accepting.
In the article What Is Self-Loathing? Written by Julian Selemin and Medically Reviewed by Poonam Sachdev, MD, she said:
- Observe Your thoughts.
- Put attention to Your inner dialogue.
- Observe your expectations: are they realistic? Recognize where you are and set achievable goals with small steps. Allow yourself to celebrate your little wins.
- Accept you are good enough. Not perfect, but Enough.
- Say something nice to you every day.
I am worthy of love and compassion and enough to grow and heal. I gracely perform all the tasks I need to do and enjoy whatever the process is.
This content doesn't replace professional medical or psychological advice.
See our complete Disclaimer & Terms and conditions.
